journal

A Language of Understanding (art journal musing + peek)

it all makes so much more sense to me without words. all the things i see and feel most deeply, and most want to express and explore in the nature of things.

and yet, my whole life i've been told and shown that words are part of my gift and medicine. life calls me back to the distinctly uncomfortable edge of translating those ineffable connections - from the visual, sensual, felt realms of experience - into arrangements of ideas when i write, speak or teach. Ideas that might, with god's help, spark a wider perspective, shine light on a bridge overlooked, or catalyze a small moment of healing and validation for another.

part of me would love to be an artist who could spend all day painting and making, knowing all along that she was called to this visual expression and sharing alone. or a writer who knew without a doubt that words were the medium for her, the gift, her way to sweat, evoke and inspire... maybe I would write a book, or blog more regularly. but what i find as my creative truth + process is a little more complex than that.

this artist energy, for me - this creative energy i can't deny - is one of BEing in life and relationship, and pursuing what calls forth my creative spirit into that engagement somehow. it's not one way of expressing or another. it's both/and and then-some. it is a dance of learning and teaching sharing.

it's not (just) a job. it's not just a 'body of work', per se, except what is to be discovered and expressed in this body of mine. it's a way of experiencing life, first. deep terrains of internal landscape that shape the navigation of life 'out here' where the world might observe but mere glimpses. and it just doesn't always look like what so many conventional ideas about 'artist' would have us believe....

and the rest, for me, is the very real struggle of working with what I can to let out from inside of my experience that beauty and pain and inquisitive nature which calls to be expressed, released, loved, evolved or blessed with the poetry of activated stillness. it's a stumbling on the page most of the time, and yet sometimes a resonance of recognition... however big or small or seemingly inconsequential.

sometimes, for me, it is line and color and the making of marks. sometimes it is words and musings and sharing bits of stories, healing or connections i have learned, sensed or witnessed.

always, what comes of my process, is merely an attempt at translating presence with all of this. evidence of my own quest for understanding and connection with life itself. and maybe it's also a morsel, perhaps, for yours.

and lately, i find more and more, at the end of the day, in the language of life and love and creative spirit... it all makes so much more sense to my soul without all the words getting in the way....

 

An Insight From Being Sick (and making art)

Mixed-media art journal (An Insight from being Sick) Slowly coming back to life over here, after a week and a half of the flu taking over our house and bodies.

Operating at about 65% energy now, still with a crackly voice and cough, I managed to slowly do some things in the studio today... like taking this picture of a page I made while passing the hours in flu-la-la land.

Being knocked down with a sickness has such a funny way of pointing things out to you that you need to see or feel (to remember).

For instance, I made a few art journal pages while sick this past week. Very simple, slow pages. Not much to them at all, really, but a few moments of expression, of just being grateful for the meditation when everything else is just too much... and yet, I realized that even though I was rotten sick, it was still more paint-moving than I've done in one week in Way Too Long.

Painting-play, that is. Not for teaching or commission or some mission. Just for my well-being and spirit.

At least it feels that way - that it's been too little for too long, and it's time to revive and refresh my devotion... and that was important to feel. The ache, the hunger, the missing, the longing for that sacred mysterious process I didn't exactly ask for in life, but that was given to me as a way to feel right and thriving in my soul.

It's not that I haven't been making 'enough' - it's just that it's time, again, for the internal agreement I've been keeping (or breaking) with my process to transform, so that I can continue to feel alive in my skin as an artist.

That was one observation/revelation this past week of several... so, there will be more painting in this new year.

More listening, more seeing, more color moving me into Life.

(By the way, IN THE STARS 'officially' started this past week, as well. If you are interested in learning about the symbolism of your astrological birth chart and exploring its messages in your creative practice, then come join us!)