In the Quiet Time of Change

Answers to our deepest questions about our selves and our lives rarely seem to come in swooping moments of reverent enlightenment and quick-fix transformation. We'd like to think they do. It would be rather convenient. And thrilling, really. It seems to me that it's easy to believe they might fall upon us this way. And there are rare instances in life when they do. But I'm not so sure that's exactly how it works most of the time. At least not for me.
It's not a formula.
It's not a matter of gathering all the right information and knowledge, following the instructions, acting out the ritual step by step and then watching the seed ripen into your greatest desire right before your very eyes like clockwork.
This is no chia pet kit we're talking about.
Tips and flags and signs do abound for each of us (though it can be a challenge in itself to recognize them when they come), but you still have to kneel on the earth and get dirt under your fingernails if you expect your garden to grow. Little garden slugs might slime between your fingers, and bugs crawl on your hands - but the soil has to be primed just right and your seed nurtured in its very particular way.
And then, when that is finished, there is a time and a space that exists, cleared of weeds and full of anticipation, that is the period of Waiting.
Yessss, patience is required (drats!).
And as any openheart gardener will tell you, every plant does best with love and attention. This doesn't mean just optimal temperature, water and light (though these play a role, undeniably).
This is deeper, more energetic. This means You and your presence and intention with the environment in which you expect that seedling ally to show itself and thrive.
Listen to the Quiet. (Fearless/Intuitive Painting)
I am re-learning this lesson in a personal way right now. I feel on the precipice of a very crucial phase in my life, standing at a crossroads - and i even know which way it is that i desire to travel. which way that i am meant to travel. i'm not suggesting that i believe necessarily that every person has one purpose and one path. just that we have choices along the way that lead us in the direction of our life's work for living closer to our spiritual selves, closer to the essence of our God/dess and Source. I'm here now, my creative gears are warmed up again, and I have found a practice that speaks to my heart and centers me like no other (Fearless/Intuitive painting), a practice that takes me to a place of knowing and not knowing all at once, a place of freedom and joy, a place of awareness and great learning - one color, or one stroke of letting go at a time. A practice in which I enjoy my Self wholly, losing attachment to time and judgments and fears. It's amazing. I've made a choice, a commitment in my heart…this time around, I am not turning away from my own art in this life i'm creating.
It IS my guide. I see that now. I really get it.
This is where I'm meant to be.
This is the deep knowing I have held in my bellyheart: Art heals. It opens portals to our greater consciousness, our higher selves, our intuition, and our inherent connection with everything and everyone.
It's not about the question, "What is art?" 
Art IS.
And almost better than that: It is available to anyone, and belongs to everyone.
It MOVES souls closer to their own personal alignment.
And I feel this push, this pull, this passion I've always held in my very being, this floating force whisking me away to my truth like a magic carpet ride - that I am supposed to help others find this gateway, this outlet, this freedom and empowering awareness within themselves.
I just don't quite know how yet.
My next steps are eluding me.
And that's tough for me. I'm not the most patient person.
Especially when it comes to making things happen in my life once I've made up my mind. I get the drive and I'm ready to GO. But it's different this time, somehow.
There is drive in me, but it's not my drive.
It's bigger than me and I'm not so in control.
It wasn't even about me making up my mind exactly.
I'm just aware of what's in me for the first time, which way my own personal compass has been pointing all along.
And now, now that I'm listening better, it's moving me, guiding me, at just the right pace, I sense.
So, for now, I'm going to choose to enjoy this feeling and be with it.
I'm going to learn from the lessons of my garden and tend to my own health and wellbeing, my environment, my body. I'm going to nurture myself better and clear out some weeds in my monkeymind and daily to-dos so that I can make room for my next step, for that seedling to peek its head when the quickening is ripe.
I'm going to trust like I've never trusted before (and this is a daily practice, many times over, reminding myself to breathe out the urgent "how? why? and what next?" and breathe in the Trust).
I'm going to get my knees dirty and pray, feeling Mama Earth and her knowledge surround me while I tend to my space and make space in my time. She and Creative Source will take care of the rest for now.
I must simply wait, attend, listen, and envision my Love and Gratitude reaching deep, deep down into the rich soil of this gift, cradling the seed into fruition. It will grow. The answers are unfolding. I feel it inside of me. I will know what to do bit by bit.
Enjoy the Ride. Week 6 painting for BIG
So what I'm finding on my path is that the transformation/enlightenment doesn't come in a swooping revelation like a flash of apocalyptic lightning. It is just as intense, only more intimate.
It comes in the introspective listening, in the trust of waiting, in the awareness to each beautiful emerging development, and in the Big picture that reveals itself gradually, one layer fulfilled at a time.
I'm grateful for this quiet.
I'm listening.
- halo
(Happy Equinox)