It occurred to me tonite that I hadn't shared this painting here at LWS yet. It's my final piece for my experience in the DEEP workshop. I find it amusing in the grander scheme of my mind that I haven't posted it yet... and also so very perfect given what the process revealed for me.
The emerging of what you see came from the intention to experience the sensations of being fully aware in the Present moment of the process. Of course - you know how it is - this awareness moves in and out, weaving between our thoughts and distractions, and if we're lucky... lingering a moment here, a moment there.
It can cradle us in its divine depth - this awareness - so sweet, so activating, so sensually hypnotic... and as quick as we notice its liberating wisdom of warmth, in comes a thought to lure us back to our mind's circus antics.
But we can set an intention of awareness, an intention of presence in the moment. And then, we can just trust and pay attention....
This painting was the first in my intuitive Fearless painting process that I can honestly say I began from a place of contentedness and allowance. As complete as any I am able to offer at this time inside myself.
Of course there were judgments, thoughts, the critics, the doubts that can visit as we move through imagery and color and such... I am as susceptible as ever to the patterns of my mind. But this time, it was different.
I witnessed within myself the greatest sense of ease and speed, to date, at coming back to my intention and connection, back to my process of allowing Source to flow from my heart to my hand to the brush, paint, and arrangement before me.
I slowed way down. In my movement, in my mind. I found myself sinking into Stillness. The most delicious kind. A deep Stillness where I forgot what I had started with in my mind (((perfect))). A Stillness where realizations were not contrived or formulated, but simply there, warming my cells, bringing a smile to my face, my soul.
Like this: Healing is not about changing something. Change is not about fixing anything. Healing is about coming into where you are, eyes open, with gentle ease and acceptance, with warm love. All change evolves from there. I have thought this before, but with this painting, I felt it. I lived what it feels like to experience that knowing.
And this: Change is nothing more than a sign that you are Alive and Vital and engaged. Sometimes we confuse the need for a change with this idea that somehow we are failing where we are at, or not getting "it" yet, or otherwise flawed, broken, unsatisfactory, clueless, wrong, not enough as is. It isn't so. Our souls need stimulating, evolving change like our bodies need air and water. It really is that simple.
With this painting, I really began to recognize my pace, my unique rhythm of reverence, and to find peace with it. I am able to recognize my patterns with greater clarity and steer my focus gently back into a focus and timing more in sync with my higher self's path and creative potential and awakening.
A timing where I expand within by simply savoring the present, in reverence, in devotion to the Mystery of the process I'm engaged in.
I felt an urgency dissolve with this piece. An urgency that I am all too familiar with - one that creates stress and overwhelm and seems to lay out the welcome mat for self-doubt and criticism. You know the one - the urgency to Get Things Done, quick, to prove yourself somehow, to complete what you started.
I found this sweet place in the painting where I didn't want it to end. I felt my usual urgency and excitement soften into a tender, mature connection with the creative process coming forth. So I let myself slow down and sink into it...
...and then I realized that This Stillness soothing and nourishing my being was not going to end when this painting decided to be complete. It is absolute.
This feeling - this calm perfect mix of detachment to outcome mingling with desire to connect to Source and others, to witness the natural effortless ease of nature and creativity working through my life has officially, deeply been activated in my awareness and experience.
to create my best life possible.