I Have Always Known

We were talking about the opportunities and ideas that have been arising for the direction of LilyWheel Slide Studio and my work.

I was telling him about how strange it feels to be moving into a place of being seen more,

leading and inspiring others,

without much effort other than showing up to my practice,

to the place of active listening - to my self and others.

Showing up and letting Source do the rest, lead the way.

It is fun. The kind of fun I like. The kind that stretches into the spirit and challenges the mind.

It amazes me how good it can be, even when the fun feels like growing pains.

I was babbling about how in awe I am at the whole process of creating a vessel,

a space for women to safely touch their own hearts and reach out to each other

- about the ache in women for just this connection

- about the blessing it is to witness this.

I was telling him how there are messages, subtle and loud,

that say to me, "You are meant to do this."

The subject is clear, too -

though not even one I could've let myself imagine even just a year ago.

Because I'm no so-called expert.

And I prescribe to no single lineage or theory, but rather a mish-mesh of my own making.

I just know that Fearless Painting has been a gateway method

into greater understanding of these woven depths within myself.

I just know what I experience ~

and it is a power of, and greater than, my blink-of-an-eye lifetime.

Its kiss, its embrace humbles me in all the right ways. Teaches me.

Fills my life with the clarity of trust and mystery.

And it's here, for each of us, in each of us, always.

He said, so matter-of-factly,

as he sat there at his studio table painting details on his latest piece,

"Of course it is this. You're good at it. You will be successful, too.

But you already know that."

I got quiet. I felt the wave of knowing that rushes over my skin and cells,

that always has, like a future memory, and I said,

"Yeah. I know. I've always known."

Right then I lifted my eyes from the space on the floor,

where I was remembering the still knowing of myself as a child,

that I am meant to lead women gently back to the light of themselves.

I lifted my eyes to new movement just behind Steve's head, on the window...

to a Praying Mantis visitor, approaching, looking in,

a message in the very intensity of her presence.

And my whole body tingled in awesome response.

I went outside to interact with her ~

they are truly amazing creatures who will look you right in the eye.

As I watched and got closer, she even launched herself onto me, much to my surprise.

It felt like a dance, the sharing of space with this magnificent creature,

the witnessing of her essence,

which speaks of Stillness as the starting place

for heartfelt creativity, healing and powerful action.

The Stillness where I have always known.

24 oct 2012

~hali