Not Knowing Is Most Intimate

mixed media altered book art journal (Hali Karla)mixed media altered book art journal (Hali Karla) mixed media altered book art journal (Hali Karla) mixed media altered book art journal (Hali Karla)

Knowing the answer, the outcome, the reason, the solution... knowing each other, the agenda, the next step, even our own inner selves... these might seem like essential elements for a sense of connection.

On closer inspection, though, it seems to me they are often motivators for a search that never ends.

Intimacy can often feel elusive. Or, sometimes, like a gift.

Like grace, it can come in the most unexpected forms and moments.

And while so many of the things we seek to 'know' are ever-changing, there is one that we share that will never change, and that is the un-known.

The not knowing.

Not having the answers, the words, the explanation, the spelled out agenda or outline or plan.

No map. No promise of forever.

No identity to risk losing if when we also change, inside out.

It is in not-knowing that we are most vulnerable, as far as I can tell.

It is in un-knowing that we lose our usual responses, awaken to the wordless whispers of our hearts, and allow something deeper to inhabit the space within and between us.

That something is simply presence.

And presence is most intimate of all.


I began this self-portrait art journal page when creating a lesson for ESSENCE, which you can receive full access to now.

There is often a gap of time between starting a page and completing it in my practice. Sometimes, like with this one, a phrase will come into my mind, via inspired moments of my own associations or synchronistic words from wise teachers, and it will resonate with meaning like a revealing piece of the puzzle for my current creative process.