i said i wasn’t going to do this, but i am.
how many times in life do we get to tango with that one?
i said i wasn’t going to [insert your thing here]…. but then, there you are, doing it. choosing it. giving it a try. maybe even enjoying it.
sometimes it’s not so good, that predicament. maybe you’re sacrificing too much of yourself to do the thing you knew deep down you shouldn’t.
but other times, it’s not so much about that. it can be a fertile, albeit humbling, territory.
because we thought we knew… why or why not… what was better, best, for good… and then something changed. shifted. our perspective, situation, understanding, needs, desires, context….
and what a blessing it can be to not know after all. to land in that peculiar state of not-knowing and yes, outside of what we [think we] know and no.
to remember we are dynamic, despite the ideas, convictions and beliefs our minds cling to.
to find we might appear even foolish, but that our own deeper intuition no longer seems to care, because what might be learned, initiated or nourished is suddenly and possibly very important.
even if we can’t explain why.
even if all the reasons we weren’t going to [do the thing] still exist.
maybe most especially then, should we dare to dream, hope, try, do the work and see what happens. because even if it doesn’t work out how we’d like… we are choosing to believe we can navigate that, too. and taking the risk to receive what we need even if we don’t exactly get what we want.
because at the end of the day - and our lives - it’s the decisions we didn’t make, the creative calls we pretended not to hear, and the risks we didn’t take in the name of love and connection that will haunt us with the melancholic ghost of wandering regret.
the calls we heed and the nudges we move toward, though… even if we swore we wouldn’t before we heard the call to do just that… the ones we follow despite what we think we know… these matter most in our becoming and staying with, on the waves of life’s transformations and how we relate.
i tend to believe we are each keepers of tradition and innovators of change somehow. both and, not either or.
we each hold a part of some old way, to remember, rediscover and help preserve or evolve.
AND we each hold a part of a vision of some new way, of being better humans, waiting to take form in how we live with one another and creation.
we don’t hold it like gripping, but more like a dna thread that runs invisibly through us, encoded with messages of merging possibilities. just part of us, in our place in time and space.
a tributary of what we know and don’t know yet and maybe even can’t know coming into life.
connecting the ways of past and future right here, right now, in you. me. each of us.
when we quiet and open, listen and respond, we find that we are given choices in this greater entanglement where everything is most wonderously connected.
choices to begin to move toward what feels true, what we always dreamed or sensed, where we will find things we never saw coming.
or perhaps to begin to move toward what we thought we never would, where we just might be surprised to find something we needed and wanted all along.
there’s no guarantee in any of it. where we will find our place, what we seek and desire, or the medicine we need to receive and hope to give… and there’s no way of knowing how any of that might change inside of us as we live face-to-face with our lives in the world.
there are just choices to make and work to do on behalf of the living rivers of creativity and love, calling us to surrender and overflow when we can, with nothing but faith and a yes.